Motivation vs. Discipline
A reflection on school and its impact on my motivation
Note to the reader (after writing this piece): I started off with a clear sense of direction of where I wanted to take this writing. But, I got caught up with work and I couldn’t really remember my initial train of thought. It became more of a general reflection of my time at UT and the process of going through cycles of fulfillment, and how I see my discipline interacting with internal and external influences of happiness. There’s not much cohesion, but I do think there are a few interesting takeaways you may have. Enjoy!
Cycles of happiness
This semester, I found that there were a lot of external factors that forced my motivation to dwindle. And with my discipline? I’ll touch that in a bit. Whether it was the daily mundane and useless classes or just a lack of energy, I realized I struggled a lot with maintaining balance and harmony between my desire to create and my knowing that I could take extended breaks without much consequence.
Throughout my first 3 semesters at UT, this wasn’t an issue. There was a persistent belief that I had to prove myself to others and absolutely “crush it” in all regards. My freshman year, as a result, was quite packed with my emphasis on “grinding” and being the best version of myself from purely an academic and professional sense. Competing in multiple case competitions, working tirelessly towards a 4.0 GPA, and relentlessly fighting for an internship led me to sacrifice friendships and my personal health. But, my mind justified it with consistent results and a boost of my ego.
At the time, I had a seemingly great mix of motivation and discipline. My way of defining success was going to be following in the footsteps of my sister and transferring into the McCombs Business Honors Program. Success was going to be getting accepted into these exclusive organizations that only take a few freshmen each semester. I had pinned my success to external factors of motivation and fueled that energy with unhealthy doses of discipline.
And, soon enough, I had run out of discipline by my 4th semester at UT. With COVID-19 hitting in the Spring of 2020 and solo-traveling a bit that winter break, my motivation had shifted quite heavily towards internal factors. Don’t get me wrong, those external factors had worked to a certain extent: freshman year, I had received an internship that was, at the time, only hiring for seniors, and I soon became the second-longest tenure at the boutique consulting firm as the associates churned out. Although I wasn’t accepted into the honors program, I had positioned myself for a trajectory of long-term success, and I was artificially fulfilled by these external motivators.
However, this shift towards internal factors unlocked a new form of thinking for me. I start looking more towards long-term goals of mine and thought heavily on what actually would fulfill my happiness 5 or 10 years down the line. For the longest time, I was pushing myself so hard to break into big 3 consulting, but I realized that getting the offer would’ve been more for external validation and the name-sake, as opposed to actually wanting to work within that profession. I felt as if I finally understood what clout-chasing meant because I caught myself doing exactly that.
A similar fluctuation of motivation hit when I had received my offer to join a technology investment firm here in Austin as a research intern. At first, I wasn’t too aware of the work they did, and COVID had led me to believe the internship was going to be sub-par, with limited exposure to meaningful work. My initial perspective was that this research opportunity would be a great stepping stone to get into big 3 consulting. But with the new mindset and a lot of reflection, I realized that each opportunity presented to me was an opportunity for me to learn and better myself. And with that newfound approach, I put in a lot of effort towards excelling and doing my best in the remote setting. My motivation and discipline returned as a result of my changed perspective and not viewing the internship as a means to an external end.
In my 5th semester at UT (fall semester of junior year), I decided to take a gap semester to focus on recruiting, continuing that research internship, and working towards building V2 still. Motivation levels were on good levels as a result of strong momentum, I was excited to not worry about classes, and that semester resulted in a lot of personal happiness and fulfillment. Things went well, my family was healthy, and my relationships were strong.
Now came the 6th semester where I started taking classes. And we’re back to the beginning of this reflection. This semester was awful. Taking 15 hours of classes, working 15-20 hours of my internship, and building V2 (now starting to build the masterclass), I felt a lack of motivation and discipline every morning I woke up. Every class would be draining, and I would have no desire to work anymore after sitting through mundane classes. There’s not much more to add there, I simply hated going to class and I didn’t have a choice to sit through it.
There were many points throughout school where I genuinely believed I wanted to drop out and know I would be fine in the long term, but I found out that the investment firm wouldn’t hire me without a degree for full time. So that option immediately dissipated.
Back to the present
“Be so busy watering your own grass, that you don't notice if someone else's is greener.”
Summer soon came by and saved me from my pit. I wrote this reflection on two different occasions, and I realized that my thought process had changed and I regret not writing an outline on where I wanted to go with this. I just knew I wanted to talk a bit about this quote because it’s how I started viewing myself and my pursuits after a shift towards internal motivation.
I found that motivation is a direct function of the amount of time spent on activities you have the autonomy and discretion of choosing. Discipline is an understanding that you must do without the dreaded why. Why should I put effort towards x? Why do I need to go to class? Why should I have this call today? Discipline is just doing it without needing the answer to the why. And that’s where I feel like I can make improvements towards again.
My belief is that motivation is a cycle, but discipline is a choice.
No motivation, No discipline: you are stuck in a hole. I felt that before and it’s okay to be there sometimes. It’s hard to climb back out, but it’s very doable.
Yes motivation, No discipline: you’re fighting back out of the hole. You’re putting in the effort to return to better performance and happiness. You’re on a good trajectory.
No motivation, Yes discipline: you realize you just can’t stop sitting around anymore. You realize you’re so far in the pit you just have to start doing something again.
Yes motivation, Yes discipline: you are unstoppable. Coupled with strong internal influences and guidance, nobody can stop what you want to shoot for.
Commitment to Summer 2021
Given this long-winded reflection on motivation vs. discipline, I want to hold myself accountable this summer to 30 minutes of reading, writing, and exercise daily. I recently read, “when you are overthinking, write, and when you are underthinking, read.” So, I really think this is a great balance for me this summer in the midst of long working hours and to keep my sanity and balance of work and peace of mind. I think my motivation is back; I hope discipline catches up soon.